


Shipwrecked and Comatose

by JoxersPrincess



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Gen, Pans Labyrinth - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoxersPrincess/pseuds/JoxersPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Lister wakes up. In England. With no memory of how he got there. All he knows is that he is in Captain Rimmer's Manor surrounded by Mrs. Rimmer and the two Rimmer children. Everything on Red Dwarf seems to have been a dream and didn't actually happen. Until the Rimmer children meet Cat and Kryten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bibury, England

“Ella Lily Rimmer! Emily Jane Rimmer!” harped the voice of a woman, she sounded a wee bit like a Scott and sounded madder than a wet hen. Two young girls sat on either side of a young man who was sweating like a whore in Church. “You mind me and leave Mr. Lister alone!”

Dave Lister’s eyes opened to a small room, not one found on Red Dwarf or the Starbug. Dave’s eyes saw the two young girls, spitting images of Arnold J Rimmer. In the doorway, where things were still a bit blurry, stood a woman with wild red hair who was heavily pregnant. The pregnant woman came closer; Lister had no idea who she was. “Really, Em, I don’t understand why you had to bring a library.”

“Ella and myself wanted to read to Mr. Lister so he could recover quicker,” explained Emily, hugging a book close to her chest. Dave could make out the title on the well worn cover: Alice in Wonderland.

The Scotswoman said nothing, only marveled at the pile of books that lay at the foot of the bed. She giggled. “Your daddy really spoils you girls,” she said. She clasped her hand over her mouth and rushed out of the room, leaving Ella to frown.

Dave sat up and the two girls were back to sitting on the bed. Lister looked about the room which was as neat as pin. “I’m sorry about mummy, the baby has been making her sick,” explained Ella. “Our little brother loves to act up.”

Lister’s voice felt rough in his throat. His head throbbed in pain. “Babies do that,” said Lister, sitting up even more. “Could you girls tell me where I am?”

“Rimmer Manor,” said Emily. “In Bibury, England.”

“You mean I’m back on Earth!?” cried Lister. Forgetting everything about Rimmer being a hologram. A smile slowly spread across his lips, he could go and start a life, outside of a small cramped spaceship! “I’m not in space anymore!?” He suddenly wasn’t worried about why he woke up here. “Wait…did you say Rimmer?”

“He’s my husband,” said the woman coming back into the room. “Arnold J Rimmer. We turned this drafty old manor into a home, where we welcomed two wonderful girls and we will be welcoming this wonderful baby boy in a month or two.”

Lister’s pulse began to quicken, causing his heart to beat in an uneven rhythm. Rimmer was a hologram, and he didn’t believe a hologram could make children with a livey. “You don’t have an H on your forehead,” said Lister. “Can Holograms even reproduce?”

“Holo-what? What are you talking about Dave Lister?”

“Rimmer is dead!” cried Lister. “Red Dwarf had a radiation leak and he died!”

“I beg your pardon? The Red Dwarf is still in commission. In fact it was at his award ceremony where these two decided to come and make an appearance,” she huffed. “But if you knew Arnie, you would know he needs an heir.”

Ella beamed and showed him a pin proudly displaying the words: Red Dwarf Baby. “My sister and I are the only Red Dwarf babies to date!” she beamed. “Daddy said it was his favorite part of his award ceremony!”

“He got rewarded for being a vending machine technician smeg head?”

“They asked him to be Captain of the Red Dwarf,” beamed the woman. “Such a brilliant man, Arnold. Such a brilliant moment when he asked for my hand in marriage. They are the reason he didn’t take the Red Dwarf job, he couldn’t leave behind two such beautiful girls.”


	2. Kryten

Ella and Emily Rimmer burst out of the front door. Arnold Rimmer stood in the front yard, surveying the property. “Daddy! Daddy! He’s awake!”

“Been sleeping for 15 hours!” laughed Arnold. He smiled at the sight of his wife, Lorna. “My love!” Arnold placed a hand on her swollen stomach. “And how is Arnold J Rimmer Jr doing?”

“I swear, he’s been practin karate,” Lorna laughed. “But he’s making it a bit difficult to walk.”

“You are eight months pregnant,” said Rimmer. Rimmer did not dare raise his eyes off of her belly.

“I was eight months pregnant with twins and never had this issue,” said Lorna. Lorna’s stormy green eyes burned with a terrible worry.

He blew a whistle and an older man came rushing over, pushing a wheel chair as a slight breeze rattled the dry leaves. Lorna shook her head no. “Come. Do it for me?” Arnold asked, making Lorna look down at the ground miserably. She gave up and sat down in the chair.

The cry of a bird struck their ears like a pebble made of glass. “Is everything alright, mummy?” asked Emily.

“Daddy, why does mummy need a wheelchair?” asked Ella.

“Your baby brother is making it difficult for mummy to walk is all,” smiled Rimmer.

Lister watched the Rimmer’s but from the corner of his eye, he could have sworn he saw Kryten. He turned and saw Kryten run into the garden. Lister chased after Kryten. “Did you see the funny shaped head man?” asked Emily coming up behind Lister. A chill desceneded his spine at her question, now all Lister could hear was his own heart pounding double time in his chest. Kryten had disappeared. “We started seeing him around the time we found you.”

“Do you know him?” asked Ella. Lister said nothing. “Emily and I have been trying to catch him. We just wanna talk to him.” Lister’s lips curved into a smile at the thought of the girls catching Kryten and making him have a tea party with him.

Lister could feel the blood pounding in his throat. “His name is Kryten.”

“Huh?”

“Daddy would want to hear of this!” said Ella.

“No, your father is not a hologram, he would have no idea who Kryten is,” said Lister. “He wouldn’t much care. I was on a ship with your father, called Red Dwarf. He died on Red Dwarf. Holly brought him back as a hologram to keep me sane when the crew died. But that didn’t seem to happen.”

“If my daddy were a hologram, how could he play with us?” giggled Emily. “But it’s almost tea, we should get back inside.”

“Isn’t our mummy pretty?” asked Ella.

“She’s sick with baby,” said Lister. Lister drew a shuddering breath, he couldn’t believe they were putting another Rimmer on this earth. “Is it bad?”

 

Arnold Rimmer exited the master bedroom along with the older man, the house doctor as he was known by. Arnold saw Lister and the girls and pressed his index finger to his nose and lips. “Mummy just took her medicine and needs to sleep.”

“Can I sleep with mummy?” asked Emily.

Rimmer laughed and ruffled her hair. “Of course you can sweetie,” he said, watching Emily and Emma disappear into the room. Arnold looked at Lister. “They’re like her nurses.”


End file.
